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Eyes Cast Downward- Memoir Excerpt

Originally hand written in July 2015 Late Spring of 2014.  Just Months before liver failure Our eyes are nearly always cast dow...

Thursday, March 10, 2016

This Wretched One; We Chosen... - S. Of C.

 Oh heavens, oh sweet nirvana, oh lush forest untouched by man's lust and greed. 
Please hear me!

 Oh please, I crawl, I beg, all that is kind and gentle, let me simply lay, humble in your warmth for a small while... 

Lest we forget... 
 This half dead valentine for Asmodeus again? 

 I was his new Lillith, laid upon the ground just waiting to be taken, bathed in layers of bile.
Thirteen months pregnant, his poison full blossomed child. 
I had spread my lusting, eternally thirsty lips to him, not knowing the extent of his endowment. 
I feel his wet slithering up the my thigh, down my throat, choking, I choke.  

He has come to me before, what will become of me... if I returned to him? 
If I die tonight, who will greet me?
I will eschew him, at all costs, I must. 
He will not have me. 
Through and through there is no end to the penetration. 
It is an eternal brutal fuck by a beast like no other.

 I swear I will be in recondite academia, living in all that is truth... 
will be kind, I will love without want of love! 
I can surely try.
I swear that I shall! 
I will have a daughter born of my goodness and name her Justine. 
She is within me, beautiful wild and blazing fire!  She will stay inside. No mortal man put her there. 
Only in dreams, in dreams I am able to recall that I was once a child.
 All glimmering innocence for the iris. Whatever became of her? 
No more. 
Oh the screams, no more I beg. 
Out of whose mouth, what orifice shall be one's sacrifice!? 

These wretched sounds.  
I pray to many gods and goddesses, I pray and yank on the golden thread that pulled me back from his claws the last time we met. The antithesis of thee, is what exactly? 
You vile creature, you who knew my lust for oblivion and had bested me tenfold. 
I shall try and be love incarnate. 
Oh! I am mortal and he knows my weakness well. 
He seeks to torment me, he gains pleasure and power whenever it occurs.
 I had come abhor the former very early on.
A contemptuous ignorance inside left me particularly susceptible to him.  
Very easy prey, once again. 

Yes,  Uriel, I see you. I saw you. 
Even through the pitch black. 
I saw.

I wish to be soldiers together, you and I.
 We will destroy this putrid curse wherever we sense it. 
We will rip him from the throat, the vein, the pipe of my fellows, the chosen.
 I can not see him take another that I love.
 Not again my golden thread, please, not again.
Mary Catherine, Cowardice Queen