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Eyes Cast Downward- Memoir Excerpt

Originally hand written in July 2015 Late Spring of 2014.  Just Months before liver failure Our eyes are nearly always cast dow...

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

To My Daughter

Dear Devin Jade,

I know that You love this song.

I paid very close attention to you when I saw you last.
you are so precious. 
I studied you. 
My thoughts are many...
I know where to start. 

I love you.

A small sentence; yet flows with a wild power when spoken by someone that truly means it. 

It is one of the most important things one could say to those we feel that way towards. 

So Say it as often 
as you think it. 

But only if you truly mean it.

 Saying I love you is similar to an apology, both statements should not be used carelessly.

To love is to not only appreciate but to cherish.
 I believe that we, all people, should always try to love everyone equally. That is a different kind of love, called “Agape Love” *  That is a difficult attitude to obtain and maintain, some people spend a lifetime or more than one, depending on your beliefs, to love all people with equal benevolence. 
I believe it is something to always strive towards. After all, each of us is suffering. 
We are breathing in the same air;
 bleeding the same color. 

I paid very close attention to you when I saw you last.
you are so precious. 
I studied you.
 My thoughts are many...
 I don't even know where to start, 
 I'll try.
I see how sensitive you are, how aware.
I wish I could shield you; from anyone or anything that causes you discomfort. 
but, we know that is impossible.

When someone hurts you;
try to keep in mind that there is always more than what meets the eye, Always a backstory...

So Many frightened, disappointed and lost people.  Sometimes it is those who seem to have everything you wish you had but never did; 
A super mom and dad who give a limitless amount of love, affection and support? 
Or maybe a girl at school who seems so perfect. Perhaps she always has the right clothes, perfect smile, says the right things at the right time, makes everyone laughs, all the girls seem to want to be her and boys want to marry her. 
but... Could there is something behind that?
Perhaps inside she feels trapped like a puppet being tossed around having to perform for everyone. Suffering is not always visible, but it is a guarantee that each of us suffers in our own way. 

There are going to be times when life may seem unfathomably harsh and without logic or any justice. “Fair?”  I urge you to dismiss the word.

Real life is chaotic, unpredictable and will seem to lack any logic. So, the word “fair” is useless. 
Please know one thing my child, those that feel pain deeply, love passionately, live with ferocity; they see beauty where others see nothing at all.
 theirs are the hearts that fill with love and compassion.

A heart like yours.

Use your gifts.
express those things whenever you feel them. 
The sensitive, the intelligent and the highly creative are the most likely to sense these things; it is more of a gift in the end and not a curse, though it may not feel that way sometimes.

I want you to know that I think of you every day and I miss you terribly. 

Know that you have a mother in N.Y.C that loves you unconditionally. 

I hope you know that you can talk to me with any question or problem you have.

I am here for you.

I Love You Devin Jade & hope and pray to see you soon. 

Your Mother, Mary Catherine. 

~ Vocabulary ~

*Agape(Ancient Greek: ἀγάπη, agápē) is "love: the highest form of love, charity; the love of God for man and of man for God." Not to be confused with "philēo" – brotherly love – agápē  - embraces a universal, unconditional love that transcends, that serves regardless of circumstances.