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Eyes Cast Downward- Memoir Excerpt

Originally hand written in July 2015 Late Spring of 2014.  Just Months before liver failure Our eyes are nearly always cast dow...

Monday, June 6, 2016

Bolts From Core: Sparring with words

The demand in me will take control;
This prostrating power.

Builds stealthily, then surpasses me;
Intent of secrecy.

Feels like blood rage, burns like my gin days. 
Only smoke, I'm not blind.

Hear the crackle, the adamant hiss; 
Rattling the eardrums. 

This quill will slay you, tear out your truth;
Bleed me till I'm dry.

But this here, this is maniacal; 
More savage is the need.

(I write so I won't kill you.)

From down below, would they look up? 
received only with contempt.

From the onslaught of blow after blow;
Debasements strike lingers.

Let them lay upon the blizzard stones; 
Winter is more cruel each year.

Wake them up choking before sunrise; 
The toxic yokes of shame.

Vile yank up from throat, expelled through mouth; 
Daily exorcism.

(I write so you don't have to.)

With callused hands and grime beneath the nails;
Deaths eye's, cold and vacant.

All reflection has no resemblance; 
Forgotten anima.

All that was precious, once held so dear; 
Values, love. truth, all pursuit.

So insignificant and careless; 
a matchbook or a sock.

(I write so I don't kill you.) 

The comfort rots us inside out;
No vanity found here.

A secret unforseen, my scars shed; 
A reptilian me.

Open the cage to bestial wails; 
Tis' only just begun.

That sweet music is a symphony here; 
The dregs of remembrance.

The prodding of all I have endured;
Kindles all I've witnessed.

Did you hear the click, clank of the latch?
See my steel, smell her smoke?

Blood runs cold yet wild is our fire;
We ravage your refuge.

(I write so you don't have to.) 

My brethren the lost ones;
We fallen seraphim. 

The rage of the downtrodden now rise;
Flank us in formation.

Bareback and bare-chested, bolts from core; 
Mute scream for love unborn. 

(We ride so you don't have to.) 

Mary Catherine, Cowardice Queen.