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Eyes Cast Downward- Memoir Excerpt

Originally hand written in July 2015 Late Spring of 2014.  Just Months before liver failure Our eyes are nearly always cast dow...

Thursday, August 20, 2015

The Door Man (step right up) - Memoir Excerpt

Mary Catherine's Excerpt 7-28-15

When I returned home from my first behavior modification program, I came home to a new step father and his daughter, my new uninvited stepsister Melanie. Ms. Big tits and three years my senior had moved into my old room and "my" room was now "our" room. I never felt at home again.- But that is a story for another time. I only mention Melanie because I cannot tell you about Micah without speaking of Melanie.
I met Micah Bixby through the guy that Melanie was screwing at the time. The two young men worked together at the local video rental store right up the road from our house.
For some reason, a fucked up twist of fate, Melanie had the grand idea that it was time I took more of an interest in boys (she thought I may be a lesbian) She was quite adamant about it. So when she met Micah with her boy toy, the evil seed in her mind began to sprout.
The night I met him we went to rent a movie as a family my mother, brother, Melanie and I.At some point Melanie pulled me away from my obsessive mother and made the introduction. I remember feeling as if I were about to be sold off. My Mother and my Ballet instructor's voices were stern inside my mind, "Chin up, spine straight! Shoulders back, tummy in!" Then my own pubescent mind tells me to make my lips look more fleshy, (I puffed them out. I more then likely looked totally ludicrous.) I put one arm akimbo with my pelvis cocked to the side. All that bravado I managed to put out there dissolved like a sugar cube dropped in a steaming cup of tea when I first saw Micah.
He was covered in tattoos everywhere my eyes could see (which at first I feared might be "demonic" because my fanatically religious, biological mother told me that he may be "Satanic", that he "scares her" She told me to stay away from him/ Who knew clairvoyance accompanied madness? Either way, her discarded words only aided Micah's allure.) Not only covered in tattoos but also pierced in every piece of flesh he could possibly pierce.
Micah had startling grey eyes with a stare that radiated confidence. A stare that seemed to seductively whisper just to me, "I dare you..."
He was a foot or so taller then me and some other kind of sense picked up on something else entirely, something invisible but explicit. Every inch of him excreted a kind of violence, a loveless sex and a nameless doom I wanted to dive into head first.
I became mesmerized and speechless, My IQ involuntarily dropped significantly (boys like Micah do not have use for girls who think to much)/ Most Importantly, for the first time in my suffocatingly virtuous life, the hidden flesh between my legs awakened. She was Aware. She was hungry. She was fiendish.
It was the first year in a new Millennium and I was all of fourteen years old and looked more like twelve. Picture This: Wavy blonde hair halfway down my back, braces on teeth that missed the mark of perfection only due to a slightly inward slanted incisor. Strange long, lean legs that the rest of my pubescent body couldn't quite keep up with, An its-y bits-y waist and perky little buds that were only just beginning to bloom. I dare say that I may have had one solitary pubic hair that was blonde in that entire region(that I was quite proud of).
So do you see? Nabokov's dream and Polanski's fantasy at his finger tips. Unsullied and uncharted. Waif like in every way that eyes could see, but when I was around Micah I felt every bit of raw sex appeal within me. I felt like a woman though I was far from it. I was a good actress. A very good actress.
Micah Introduced me to many things. Thanks to him my musical knowledge and enjoyment expanded from things like "Bush' and "The Smashing Pumpkins" to something a bit more refined for those with a certain distinct taste. I began to listen to and love the sounds of KMFDM (Anarchy), Ministry, My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult,('Confessions of A Knife' was my favorite album) Lords Of Acid ( I stripped to 'The Most Wonderful Girl' and 'I Sit On Acid' more then once when my tits got a little bigger of course) , Gen and the Genitortures and more.
Of course he introduced me to all the blessed accouterments of the music- The lifestyle.
Not only did I learn the definition and origins of BDSM at the age of fifteen, I became a rather skilled participant within the subculture. I was most often a switch, though I leaned a bit more to the submissive side for Micah. I was only just barely fifteen at this point.
I became quite skilled in other ways as well. With his loveless guidance he taught me what to expect when someone put their mouth to my naked cunt (thanks to good ol' Bixby I still have very high expectations in that regard). He also instructed me in the delicate art of fellatio. This mainly consisted of him trying to convince me that I wouldn't bite him or scratch his tender flesh (flesh that felt so vulnerable in my mouth) while I swirled my tongue around his head and worked my way down the enormity of his shaft. Yes. He happened to be genuinely enormous. I wanted to give all of myself to him so badly that I nearly did. He ended up doing me a favor in the end, and it had little to do with role playing, cunnilingus, or industrial music...
The most valuable lesson Micah gave me was that some people are simply obsessed with novelty and when that novelty, that was once ever so precious, inevitably wears off, they will find a new fixation. Micah found a new naive girl to corrupt and I continued to find more inventive wast of obtaining drugs and booze.
Along with an extremely long list of unexpected consequences
 Mary Catherine, Cowardice Queen

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