Thursday, August 20, 2015
Forced to look up
Mary Catherine's Journal Excerpt originally hand written on July seventeenth, 2015 at 1:45 am
Raphael is so tall I am forced to look up at him as he says "I want to have sex with you, really I do... but.."
I am confused he just told me how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am, maybe its the age thing again. Silly man thinks he is to old for me. "But what??" I spat the words out a little to aggressively. I go to grab for his crotch, but the fuckers to quick, he backs up with a this goofy grin on his face... I sigh in exasperation and lean against one of trees outside the library...I drag my cigarette then dare a glance his way only to see that he is now sulking. Fucking sulking! Hands in his pockets, eyes on the gravel, even shuffling his foot. I think 'Good God are we at god damn recess? Is the school bell going to be ringing soon? What the hell is this?' I compose myself, which involves my best attempt to not look irritated and sexually frustrated, which I am! "Hey man, whats wrong? I know I can be a little forward, I know, but I thought we were past that by now." He quickly finds his words though he doesn't seem sure of himself " We are, we are past this... It's just that...I am... afraid." His Italian accent is too fucking cute, I want to grab his crotch again. "What do you mean Raphael? What are you afraid of?" He looks over at me with what I perceive is his bravery and he announces "Well, I am Romantic. I like things to go slow. (language barrier alert) You think that's stupid don't you?" I shake my head back and forth promptly and I tell him "No, not at all... In fact, I think that is remarkably sweet." I smile because I truly do think that is painfully sweet a rare and rich kind of sweet. (His frown has become that silly grin again, so I feel something must have been misunderstood.) Then I say a little too sternly "I do still want to have sex with you. Soon though." I hold his hand and say softly "I think it will be just as romantic if we have sex today or tomorrow or a year from now, because I want you and you want me. You make my heart stumble Raphael and not many can make me feel quite that way. That is Romantic. If you are talking about love, love takes time and time will pass regardless of whether we are enjoying each others bodies or not. I would much rather spend that time that is inevitably passing feeling you inside me. To hold you and be held by you in return...Do understand what I mean?" I ask with my head tilted to the side as if I am explaining something to a child. I do not feel he is a child and I do not want him to feel as though I perceive him that way so I change my body language into something I think has more of a feel of equality. He simply says "You are... a very strong woman." I smile and thank him. Yet I think to myself 'what an odd time for him to say that...' Then I begin to understand what he really meant when he said he was afraid.Mary Catherine, Cowardice Queen