Mary Catherine's Journal Excerpt originally hand written on July seventeenth, 2015 at 1:45 am
Raphael is so
tall I am forced to look up at him as he says "I want to have sex
with you, really I do... but.."
I am confused he just told me how
beautiful and sexy he thinks I am, maybe its the age thing again. Silly
man thinks he is to old for me. "But what??" I spat the words out a
little to aggressively. I go to grab for his crotch, but the fuckers to
quick, he backs up with a this goofy grin on his face... I sigh
in exasperation and lean against one of trees outside the library...I
drag my cigarette then dare a glance his way only to see that he is now
sulking. Fucking sulking! Hands in his pockets, eyes on the gravel, even
shuffling his foot. I think 'Good God are we at god damn recess? Is the
school bell going to be ringing soon? What the hell is this?' I
compose myself, which involves my best attempt to not look irritated and
sexually frustrated, which I am! "Hey man, whats wrong? I know I can
be a little forward, I know, but I thought we were past that by now." He
quickly finds his words though he doesn't seem sure of himself " We
are, we are past this... It's just that...I am... afraid." His Italian
accent is too fucking cute, I want to grab his crotch again. "What do
you mean Raphael? What are you afraid of?" He looks over at me with
what I perceive is his bravery and he announces "Well, I am Romantic. I
like things to go slow. (language barrier alert) You think that's stupid
don't you?" I shake my head back and forth promptly and I tell him "No,
not at all... In fact, I think that is remarkably sweet." I smile
because I truly do think that is painfully sweet a rare and rich kind of
sweet. (His frown has become that silly grin again, so I feel something
must have been misunderstood.) Then I say a little too sternly "I do
still want to have sex with you. Soon though." I hold his hand and say
softly "I think it will be just as romantic if we have sex today or
tomorrow or a year from now, because I want you and you want me. You
make my heart stumble Raphael and not many can make me feel quite that
way. That is Romantic. If you are talking about love, love takes time
and time will pass regardless of whether we are enjoying each others
bodies or not. I would much rather spend that time that is inevitably
passing feeling you inside me. To hold you and be held by you in
return...Do understand what I mean?" I ask with my head tilted to the
side as if I am explaining something to a child. I do not feel he is a
child and I do not want him to feel as though I perceive him that way so
I change my body language into something I think has more of a feel of
equality. He simply says "You are... a very strong woman." I smile and
thank him. Yet I think to myself 'what an odd time for him to say
that...' Then I begin to understand what he really meant when he said he
was afraid.
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