Although this is not my story to tell, you confided in me many things over our years together, I made observations. This is only my perspective and I want to share it.
What happened to you, sweet stranger?
|Kent, CT - 2011|
"No son of his!"
He has sons more worthy (you believe) with another woman.
Successful, loved, untainted by abuse and broken homes.
While you were barefoot wandering the L.E.S looking for a fix, these half brothers were receiving the love and acceptance he never bothered to give you.
No doubt she placed some of the blame upon herself.
So she enabled you, listened to your pleas, your whims.
In secret, she assisted you.
Always pleading your case... But you started making demands. You became aggressive as you aged, as you went further into the dark. You smashed her window when she tried to say no to you for once.
These days, do you think she wishes you to vanish?
After all, you did make an appearance into the world when she was trying to flee, you were not anticipated.
You held her back then and you hold her still.
Is that what you sometimes think stranger? I think she still loves you. I think she can't bear to think of you because it breaks her heart.
This is the only part I am sure of because I am a mother too.
That you're a complete failure, a total disappointment, dead already?
I doubt it, but no one knows.
What he thinks does not matter anyway.
What do you think of you?
What happened to that young man with talent and ambitions?
What happened to Frodo and Golem? Hockey? Dirt bikes?
The boy who smiled and laughed with ease?
when there was no heroin-
Nor addiction as a disease; a need for escape that leaves you living on your knees.
Where did he go, stranger?
Is he still there, beneath your grime and your lies?
You remained there till the sun began to set, for the father that never came.
Now he waits only for you.
Do not leave him there alone.
Do not turn away, he may not be in the best shape, perhaps a bit jarring at first.
It may not be my place to say this yet I will because, despite what you tell yourself, I still care for you- deeply.
You don't want to spend what is left of your life
What makes you think you are so so unique?
What made you a stranger even to yourself?
more than you care for and love yourself.
You are worth loving.
Now, come inside where it's warm
. I've got some Hot Cocoa I could make for you. We'll get you cleaned up and I'll tell you a story I know.
It's about a lost little boy who met a lost little girl and how they each found their way home.
Would you like that?
Mary Catherine, Cowardice Queen