"What are you doing?!"
What I didn't know then was that this was only the first of many more visits to come, thirteen visits to be exact. This was to become more home to me then the four bedroom house I used to share with the woman who is supposed to be my mother, my Grand Mary, my baby brother and the intruders (stepfather and his daughter). The streets, the beach, Juvenile Detention and the Joe DiMaggio Pediatric Psychiatric Unit will be where I spend ninety percent of my 15th year of life. I was to become the Queen of that ward and known on a first name basis by both the other teen patients and staff alike, within a couple more stays.
"All right, we are going to get you some help come out of the car."
I didn't see any options I was to run down to make a run for it, I could have, but I had been living pretty hard and I was damn tired, so I got out of the car. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and cast my gaze down to my beat up Vans. I hear the mans voice, I don't look up he says "Alright, right through here". I hear the car door shut behind me ,the engine turns back on, I slowly shuffle and follow his lead, inside the building. I hear my mother in the background
"How could she make this about Grandma, that's so fucked up..."
Now I was practically on his heels and was relieved when I heard the door shut behind us. I let out a long breath, I guess I was holding it a while. As we walked deeper into the evaluation waiting room I raised my eyes. She was gone, I was no longer afraid, though I had no definite reason not to be. Perhaps clairvoyance, perhaps madness. The apple doesn't fall that damn far from the tree.
I did feel at home. There might as well have been a welcome mat. I was to meet a new family, comrades in one of many battles to come. It was only the beginning.
I could play this role.
Mary Catherine, Cowardice Queen