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Eyes Cast Downward- Memoir Excerpt

Originally hand written in July 2015 Late Spring of 2014.  Just Months before liver failure Our eyes are nearly always cast dow...

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

The Hell Before the Fury. -Interview Exerpt 2011-

 Did you guys do anything special for Valentine’s Day?

I was alone on Valentine’s Day. We weren’t really together-

together on that day.  Actually, my 

valentine was an overdose.

Oh. Fuck

Yeah, I was on cocaine and heroin. My dealer gave me a gift 

by giving me $70-worth of coke when I 

had only bought $40. I figured I would just push this as far

 as it will go. I put it all in the cooker at 

once and shot it and I had a seizure.

That sounds painful.

I actually came out of it feeling pretty good and wanted to 

do it again. Nobody else wanted me to though

They took care of me right there 

the seizure didn’t last long. Mark wasn’t there that 

night — I was hanging with my dealer and a couple other girls.

What was Mark’s reaction?

He told me shooting cocaine was no good and he asked me 

to stop because it’s crazy or stupid. You 

know, the general caring reaction.

Are you going to miss sleeping next to Mark tonight? Or do 

you think you’ll find him?

Well, we agreed to meet up at 10 o’clock on St. Mark’s and 

Second Avenue, and if he’s not, he’s in 

big trouble.
Do you think you guys are going to work it out?
I totally see us having a future — if we left New York 

and/or just generally got off the drugs 

and tried  to do the right thing and live a good life — the 

way we were meant to… 

or the way that 

would be most conducive to our happiness.
Why can’t you keep the love and the drugs?

Because they make people someone they’re not, and Mark is 

not a selfish junkie who lies; Mark has 

become that because of the life he needs to live to maintain 

the drug usage.
How do you know that about Mark if you’ve only known him 

to be a junkie?
Everyone has their light and everyone has their darkness, 

and his light shines through occasionally 

when the drugs aren’t as prevalent. The drugs have kind of 

taken over right now, but it doesn’t mean 

he has to be that way the rest of his life. 

-Interview by Peter Madson in 2011-
Mary Catherine, Cowardice Queen

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