Lust and all feelings have returned with a vengence...
I am kidding myself. I wish it was merely carnal.
Aphrodite, be kind to me, please do not toy with a mortal young woman.
Where is your sister? Take my right hand Athena and please grant me wisdom.
Be just with me and all women who suffer this folly.
Hermes, please won't you take my left hand?
I beg you to be swift with and more cunning than I am.
You surely are. Then it would be simple.
I still want this "you". It is hard for me to give my body to anyone else.
I am cold at the thought.
No certainty or guarantee of any kind.
I have displayed changes in my character, an acceptance and a certain level of behavioral maturity that I never thought I would ever reach.
Yet, I do not act upon these thoughts or impulses.
I do not even vocalize them to him in anyway that would be considered flirtatious.
I value the friendship so greatly, and his monogamous relationship, that I put neither at risk.
Nor have I put much consideration into other people’s feelings in the way I do now.
This has come not just merely from having a conscious again.
I think I finally understanding what a friend is. Being a friend is a verb.
To say that it is a terrible blow would be an understatement.
I would never wish that kind of betrayal on another.
Especially if this friend loves this “other”, this would cause him pain as well.
I do not walk around causing havoc anymore, a terrible wake in my path.
I like that, it feels so much better this way.